I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
