i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
