Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
