Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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