i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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