i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
