Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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