I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
