We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
