I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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