once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
