I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
