I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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