Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
