i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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