Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
