love makes seman taste better
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
