Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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