I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
