I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
