Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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