In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
