Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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