What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
