Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
