the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
