Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
