Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize