Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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