New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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