I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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