I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
birth control should be required to get into college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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