We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
