glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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