You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
