yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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