vagina is talking i cant
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
