4 words: hood of his car
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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