i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I just put wine in my tea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
