you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she pinky promised me she was 18
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
