I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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