I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
