Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize