he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You're like the curious george of whores
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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