I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
