i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
