Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
