I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
