Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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