I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
