uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
