mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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