I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
