were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize