My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
