A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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