You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
