someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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