Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
