So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
