Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
