That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
