My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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