he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
