I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
